Make Any Divorce Better!
By Ed Sherman
Nolo Press
$24.95, paperback, 177 pages, 0-944508-64-0 (2008)
The author has been a family law lawyer since 1967 and he is the founder of Nolo Press. In 1971, Sherman wrote the book How to Do Your Own Divorce in California. Clearly, this is a man who knows his stuff.
This is not a book written for lawyers – it’s strictly for lay people who want to represent themselves as much as possible in their divorce. In fact, Sherman bashes lawyers and the legal system so frequently and vehemently that it’s difficult to believe he is a lawyer.
Take a look at some of these statements:
Problems in a divorce are almost never legal, almost always about personalities and emotions, for which there are absolutely no solutions in court or in a lawyer’s office – zip, zero, nothing. In fact, getting involved with lawyers and courts almost always makes things worse instead of better.
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Neither the law nor attorneys who work in the law have tools to help solve divorce problems. In fact, the legal system and the way attorneys work is almost certain to make things worse. The legal system is based on conflict, arguing before a judge in order to win. You don’t want more argument, you want less. Arguing doesn’t settle anything. The legal route doesn’t work, takes too long, costs too much, and leaves the parties wrung out and broke.
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The secret to a successful divorce is to minimize your use of the legal system and of the attorneys who work in it.
Are you starting to get the idea that Sherman doesn’t think lawyers are needed in divorces?
Sherman claims that 90% of all divorce can be completed without court battles or high attorney fees. One important thing to keep in mind, according to Sherman, is that the legal system may be necessary in emergencies or if your spouse is an habitual abuser or controller. In may also be necessary to go to a lawyer for limited advice about a certain issue in your divorce.
Sherman runs through five divorce profiles (early, easy, difficult, domestic abuse, and legal battle) and discusses various strategies for each one. He then provides a roadmap of the legal system and discusses ways to have a successful divorce and provides helpful tips for getting through rough emotional times. This is extremely helpful as my experience in handling hundreds of divorce cases is that most clients are stressed, in shock, angry, hurt, and highly emotional.
Sherman then provides guidelines on divorce law. This is where this book, and all general books on divorce, suffers. Unfortunately, no guide written for a national audience can tell you exactly what the law is in your state. In most cases, it’s quite difficult for a layperson to figure out what the law is in their state.
Here in Maine, for example, there are child support guidelines that most folks could use on their own to determine appropriate child support (though the forms are far from simple). However, there are no written guidelines at all that help with determining the amount of spousal support that is appropriate – if any at all. In fact, there are many areas of divorce law that unsuspecting people trying to do their own divorce overlook or never recognize. (I often have these people come to see me sometime after their divorce when this ignored issue becomes important.)
Sherman does an admirable job of providing ten concrete steps spouses can take to make their divorce less painful and also avoid expensive court battles. He also makes common sense suggestions on how to win and survive a legal battle when it is unavoidable. In addition, the book contains a CD with worksheets, sample settlement agreements, sample parenting plans and more.
For anyone considering doing a divorce on their own, this book provides lots of helpful information. The only caveat is that divorce law is somewhat different in every state and is often more complex than you might anticipate. I would urge anyone doing a divorce on their own to at least have their paperwork reviewed by a lawyer prior to obtaining a final judgment.
Buy it on Amazon here.
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